Keep fetuses (and everything else) out of food
We’ve all been there before. You’re chowing down at your favorite fast food restaurant, maybe Wendy’s or Burger King, and then the unsettling thought creeps into your head… is there fetus in this?
Yes, the question of whether or not there are human fetuses in our fast food has been making Oklahomans nervous for as long as this blogger can remember. But just when we thought it was time to accept the grim reality that we may or may not be consuming the unborn in our Big Macs, one man decided to stand up and end our statewide nightmare. That man is Senator Ralph Shortey.
The Oklahoma City Republican has proposed a bill that says: “No person or entity shall manufacture or knowingly sell food or any other product intended for human consumption which contains aborted human fetuses in the ingredients or which used aborted human fetuses in the research or development of any of the ingredients.”
Now, many people have called the bill ludicrous, unnecessary, stupid and even preposterous. But those people probably eat sand-burritos from Taco Bell. I ask you this, fellow citizen - do you really think a person who knowingly eats cat litter wrapped in a tortilla would care if they were eating human in their hamburgers? The answer, for this blogger, is no.
In fact, my only problem with the bill is that it doesn’t go far enough. Sure, there’s no real evidence that we are being fed fetuses with our fast food. But, you know what? There’s also no evidence that we are being fed puppies in our popcorn chicken. Where’s the ban on that?
There’s actually plenty of things I don’t want to find in my food: Kittens, the elderly, hypodermic needles, illegal immigrants, sharia law, ghosts, and the list goes on and on…
BAN THEM ALL, OKLAHOMA!
By preemptively banning gross stuff from our food, we can ensure that they will maybe never show up in our mystery meat. I say maybe because, well, you know, things just happen sometimes.
But I digest. We must stand behind Senator Ralph Shortey in his crusade against culinary horseplay.
(side-note, ban horse meat) I mean, either that or just sit there and keep on eating your god-knows-what from lord-knows-where… but don’t come crying to me when you find children in your chili.